And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
