Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
