Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
