if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
