I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
