By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
