Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
