hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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