I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
