fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
