My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
