I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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