he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
