I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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