so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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