i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
