You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
