I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
