Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
