bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
