I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
