Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
