i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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