Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
