I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
