kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
