Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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