Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
