literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Found your dick twin last night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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