maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize