im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
