weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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