I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
