Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
