3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
