If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
