i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I forget how to act sober
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
