The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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