plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize