So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
