You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
