I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
