...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was confusing and full of hummus
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize