Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
