why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
