Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize