I just made out with a guy for $7.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
