Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
