If i come over, it means nothing
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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