what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
