Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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