The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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