I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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