Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
