Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
