I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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