we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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