So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
