but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
