I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
