wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
