I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
