This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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