I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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