after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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