oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
