ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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