Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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