ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
