You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
