This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm both gender and math confused
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
