final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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