I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize