there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
