I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
