Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
