I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize