We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
