chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the day after is always just damage control
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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