...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
