her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He better not be in your backpack
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
