i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
