atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
