god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
