Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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