are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
