okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize