When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
