Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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