even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
