I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
