if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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