Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize