Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
