how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
