Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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