is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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