Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
