ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Lo siento on account of my penis...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
