How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
