i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
