I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
