i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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