Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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