you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
