i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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