my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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