I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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