Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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